>>20
Well, speaking purely personally, the first three aspirations plunge far too deeply into the sphere of unequivocal batshit craziness for me to be able to say anything empathic, or indeed anything at all, about them.
You're talking about a 15-year-old girl who has long since ceased to exist as such, and who surely never knew anything about you - that might have helped her decide whether she wanted to give you her "attention" in any shape or form - in the first place.
Adoration of "the other" - when it is indulged in under such utterly unpromising objective conditions - is, I would submit, tantamount in essence to adoration of one's own self.
(You know, the whole Angelus Silesius way of relating to one's God, which most of you will doubtless have encountered, if at all, in the psycho-nutso version of it offered by De Niro and Scorsese in their remake of "Cape Fear" (no "Taxi Driver", but an amusing movie nonetheless): "I am the Lord and the Lord is me; I am as large as God, He is as small as I; He cannot above me, nor I beneath Him be.")
I think it's healthy, though, that you include the frankly masochistic fourth aspiration in the list of things that prompt you to be a Crackyfag. This, of course, I can relate to, and I really don't think that the sexually masochistic element in the whole Cracky cult - fantasies about being made to eat her shit and menstrual blood, about being fucked in the ass by her etc. - are really given their due by the "community".
Although I personally don't find her very physically appealing, she certainly was an ideal object for submissive-masochistic sexual fantasies in several respects, being
(a) purely "virtual" (or almost purely so) and thereby an object of perpetual intense desire unadulterated by any likely satiation,
(b) underage; even if one happens actually not to be pedophilic, the slightly underage girl is endowed with an immense masochistic appeal, since she possesses, without having to take any sort of action and merely by virtue of her being the age she is, a potential power to devastate a man's social and civil existence which an older female will only possess if she decides to actively bring a rape charge against one or something.
and
(c) Jewish; too wide and complex a topic really to address here, but there does appear to be some weird deep elective affinity between the Judaic and the masochistic spheres of experience. Sacher-Masoch wasn't himself Jewish, but he lived among them in fin-de-siecle Poland and was obsessively fascinated by them and the quintessentially Central-European-Jewish worlds of Kafka and Bruno Schulz are shot through with compelling images of seductive-destructive women.
And as a word to the "Gospel-mongers": none of this "heresy" need actually necessarily be considered blasphemy against the Sky Queen, her chastity, transcendence etc. - or at least not as any blasphemy that was not already being committed with impunity against the Virgin Mary already in the 13th Century. (See the Seminar given circa 1960 by the Crackyverse's "house philosopher", Jacques Lacan, on "The Ethics of Psychoanalysis", with its long disquisition on masochism, Catholicism and Amour Courtois).